milkthebull
nba
LUKE RIDNOUR TRADED FOR GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH, 3 POKEMON CARDS, AND ALANIS MORISSETTE CD
Coming off of his fourth trade in six days, Oklahoma City Thunder traded 34-year-old NBA point guard Luke Ridnour to 13-year-old sports fan Dylan Hutchinson for a grilled cheese sandwich, three collectible Pokemon cards, and “Some kind of CD from his mom’s car that she never listens to.” Ridnour was ecstatic when he heard about … Continue reading
BIRDMAN ADMITS DEAL WITH DEVIL LOST HEAT’S TITLE
Earlier this morning Miami Heat power forward Chris Andersen opened up to the media about his team’s loss in the NBA finals. “Do my tattoos, beard and Mohawk mean that I’m in a gang? Of course not! That’s offensive. But do I ritualistically sacrifice small animals, and humans with deformities in order to win a … Continue reading
PACERS FAN’S SNARKY TWEETS FAIL TO LEAD TEAM TO VICTORY
Evansville, IN — The feeling of defeat is palpable today inside the small studio apartment of Pacers fan Rodney Harris. “I don’t know how his could happen?” Harris asks no to one in particular as he sits on his futon staring at his smart phone. Rodney is of course referring to the embarrassing 4-1 defeat … Continue reading
CLIPPERS OWNER REMOVES “HALF MEXICAN” PREFERENCE FROM OKCUPID ACCOUNT
“Even at my age a man can still learn,” said Clippers former owner Donald Sterling, “And I certainly learned a big lesson from my lifetime ban from the NBA. And that lesson is that you should never date a half-Mexican woman.” “At first when I joined OKcupid, I thought it would be a great way … Continue reading
HIGH SCHOOL PHENOM SKIPS COLLEGE TO GO STRAIGHT TO NBA INJURY LIST
“Sure, I could play it safe and go to college, but why sprain an ankle in the NCAA when I have the potential to tear an ACL on a global stage,” said number one ranked high school player Jahlil Okafor. Okafor said he looks forward to going to the NBA, and more importantly getting picked by … Continue reading
NET’S SEASON ENDS: JASON KIDD SETS FIRE TO ARENA
After spilling a drink on an NBA court to halt a basketball game, Brooklyn Nets coach, Jason Kidd set fire to the Barclays Center arena in order to put an end to the Nets atrocious 5 wins and 14 lose season. “I was appalled,” said Net’s power forward Kevin Garnett, “I pulled into the parking … Continue reading
PHIL JACKSON ADMITS IT WAS HIM, NOT KWAME BROWN, WHO FARTED IN THE LAST TIMEOUT TO MAKE THE LAKERS LOSE THE 2008 NBA FINALS
Phil Jackson tells the story: “Most thought it was a ‘silent but deadly’ fart, but that’s far from the truth. It was as loud as a helicopter, but since we were in a sold-out arena with over 20,000 screaming fans, it left my butt-cheeks undetected.” “As the putrid smell hit the players they lost focus … Continue reading
NBA REMOVES NBA PLAYERS FROM ALL-STAR BALLOT – ELI MANNING & TIGER WOODS GET VOTED IN
In a bold move to remove centers from the NBA All-Star ballot, NBA Executive VP of Operations Stu Jackson said that he also considers NBA players themselves unnecessary for the sport of basketball. “Why are we forced to watch only the best in the world play basketball? Let’s just watch a bunch of random people play. Why … Continue reading
FBI ARRESTS KWAME BROWN FOR SHAVING POINTS…HIS ENTIRE CAREER
NBA star Kwame Brown walked out of a Los Angeles hotel in handcuffs Monday morning while being charged with point shaving by the federal court. When Federal Attorney David Cameron was asked what evidence do they have to convict Kwame, Cameron responded, “We’ve obtained official records from ESPN, TNT and the NBA that show a career … Continue reading
MAKE-A-WISH FOUNDATION DOES AMAZING JOB WITH JEREMY LIN BOY
The Make-A-Wish Foundation has helped the Jeremy Lin boy fulfill his dream of becoming an NBA Superstar. “Most kids ask for a ride on a fire truck or a special visit from a sports hero, but young Jeremy Lin made it clear that he wanted to play in the National Basketball Association and average over … Continue reading
DAVID STERN COCK-BLOCKS LEBRON’S ENGAGEMENT
After blocking a super-star trade that would have sent Chris Paul to the L.A. Lakers, commissioner David Stern decided to overstep his power once again by officially cock-blocking LeBron James’ engagement to fiancé Savannah Brinson. This comes as a result in angry letters from Mark Cuban, Kobe Bryant and former Cav’s owner, Dan Gilbert citing … Continue reading
GRIFFIN DUNKS OVER CAR IN GAME; 3 PLAYERS DEAD
In what was supposed to be the most amazing in-game dunk of the century, turned out to be a crisis when point guard Eric Gordon drove a 2011 Kia Optima onto the court in the 4th quarter for teammate Blake Griffin to dunk over. “We were just playing around in practice one day and Eric … Continue reading
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