With Russian forces established in Crimea, and a recent vote by its citizens to officially become a part of Russia, Russian President Vladimir Putin doesn’t know what all the hoopla is about.
Milk the Bull somehow gained special access to interview Putin.
“Well, what I mean is, a month ago, no one in the world could tell you where Crimea is. Not even Crimeans. So, now, I’m interested in getting my hands on Crimea, and suddenly everyone wants to throw, how do you say, throw the shit fit about it? Does the world really care about Crimea? Have you been there? It’s like Chernobyl without all the fun. I dated a Crimean girl at KGB school one time. She had more facial hair than I did.”
“Crimea is like the fat kid in gym who always gets picked last. Except the fat kid was worth something. I mean, Ukraine and the world should be glad I took Crimea off their hands.”
The interview continued for another vodka soaked hour before Milk the Bull cut it short by telling Putin we had a thing up in Kiev. He got angry, tried to rape our crew, and then fell asleep after he masturbated to a picture of himself fly fishing.
More as the story develops.