“That’s disgusting!” said Drake as he looks at a magazine with cute, adorable and cancer-ridden children on the cover. This comment came just a day after Drake called the Philip Seymour Hoffman tribute cover for Rolling Stone “disgusting” because Drake himself was not on the cover.
“I can’t believe this medical magazine bro,” said Drake as he throws the magazine across his multi-million dollar mansion. “I should be on the cover of this magazine, I guess you have to be a fucking doctor or have cancer or something to be on the cover. Well fuck the magazine, fuck those children, fuck those doctors, fuck Philip Seymour Hoffman, fuck Dr. Oz, fuck Oprah, and fuck anyone else who tries to take attention away from Drake.”
“Oh fuck!” said Drake as his limo pulls away from McDonald’s, “Why the fuck am I not on the front of this Happy Meal!? Fuck Ronald fucking McDonald, fuck Grimace, and fuck the fucking Hamburgelar. You shouldn’t be stealin’ shit anyways. Go buy your own damn hamburgers.”
Drake is now referred to as a “double douche bag”, because he is twice as douchey as a regular douche bag. He is effortlessly working towards the “triple douche bag” title, which is currently only held by rapper Kanye West.