The evil god of winter, Boreas started his retreat from middle earth today as humans across the world fought back by throwing boiling cups of water into the air. At first the mere mortals thought they could defeat the bearded god with the billowing cloak by throwing just room temperature water into the air, however this only upset Boreas as he then blew on his mighty conch shell to summon the arctic winds from the north to devour all living beings including small children and cats.
The humans then became so desperate that they all took a day off of work and retreated inside to watch HBO and Netflix and pray for their own survival. Most of them became so destitute that they refused to drive to the local Starbucks even though it had a drive-through window which didn’t even require that they leave their own heated horse-less carriage.
The humans became overwhelmed in comfort and yearned for the day where they could return to their shitty jobs and sit at a desk with a much smaller TV screen than the one they were currently watching. Many of them had been gone so long from work that they forgot exactly how their boss would belittle them in front of their peers, or how their co-workers would make passive-aggressive remarks in the break-room. This made the humans sad. So they devised a plan.
The humans threw off their Snuggies and courageously waddled outside in their slippers hurling boiling hot water from the very depths of their kitchen stoves into the heavens at the torturous god Boreas, thus scalding his snake-like feet and driving him back to his home of Minnesota.